I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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