i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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