covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
