I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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