Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
