There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
