I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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