Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
NoShamevember. You game?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
