I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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