There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
