the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
