I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Randomize
