what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
