I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
