I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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