If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
