Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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