Kareoke will never be a sober sport
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
