I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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