So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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