My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
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We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
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Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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