Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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