just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
