Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
