you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
