Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
