whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
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I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
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I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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