The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
