new low.... made out with someone while peeing
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
