Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
