you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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