Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
