His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
