Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
