I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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