It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
