remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
