I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
