just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
