I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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