If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
They should really pass out barf bags in church
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
