dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
