You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
