well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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