You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
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I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
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You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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