Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
