Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
