A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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