Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
