So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
