That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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