I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I love how my cats smell like pot.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Randomize
