So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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