if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
