I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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