She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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