you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize