She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
