Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Randomize
